Top 10 Things NOT to Say During Superbowl

OK, ladies...it's that time of year. The time where you can really put that football knowledge to good use. But if you're still a beginner, no worries. Just follow our list of the top 10 things you just don't want to say while watching this year's Super Bowl. Follow these, and you may just earn a little more respect from the guys!

1. "That Tom Brady.... he's sooooooooo dreamy!!!"  (Sorry, but Beiber...I mean Brady, makes me want to gag. Sad excuse for a man...unless a man abandoning his pregnant girlfriend for a supermodel does it for you).
2. "Just let me know when the halftime show starts." (Do yourself a favor...if you don't like football, just make yourself scarce and save everyone the pain).
3. "Is Madonna on YET?!" (Just don't even think about it).
4. "OH MY GOD...I LOOOOOVEEEEEEE SUPERBOWL...Commercials!!!" 
5. "OH MY GOD it's Peyton!!!!! (no, it's actually Eli...Peyton didn't play one snap of football all season due to a neck injury and he may not even return at all...)
6. "What states are in New England!??!" (if you have to ask, how did you even get to this blog???)
7. "Can we rewind to watch the ads instead!!!?!"
8. "Ugh, is this game over yet!?!? (don't even dare say that. The Super Bowl is longer than most football games because...well, you guessed it, the ads, the halftime show...the stuff YOU are probably watching it for)!
9. "I can't eat that! I'm on a diet!!!!!!" (c'mon. It's the Super Bowl. One of the few times a year where it's just expected to eat like a fatty. ENJOY it).

And...if you can't remember any of these 9, just please, please, PLEEEEEEEASE, for all of womankind, do not utter this phrase:

"OMG! I'M TOTALLY GONNA GET A [insert Tom Brady or Eli Manning, whichever QB wins] PINK JERSEY FOR NEXT SEASON!!!!!!!!!!"

Please and thank you. Enjoy the game. Neither of us really care as much this time around...we think it's the "Un-Super Bowl," since the Saints and Ravens are not in it.

Cheers!
Lauren & Lily

2011 NFL Playoffs: Divisional Weekend Cheat Sheet

Wow, could I have been more off on my predictions last weekend? Yikes. Ended up going 1-3. Here's hoping this weekend fares a bit better.

Again, you will not have a break from football on Saturday. Like last week, you'll have the two matchups late afternoon Saturday, followed by the mid/late-afternoon matchups on Sunday. Here goes nothing...

Saturday, January 14, 4:30 pm EST
New Orleans Saints @ San Francisco 49ers
Well this matchup pits my one winning pick last week versus a surprising team this season. With a new coach in Jim Harbaugh, the 49ers were not thought to be a team to make the playoffs, much less take the #2 seed. But Harbaugh has instilled a winning philosophy into his team. Honey badger don't care. This is a toughie, though...man, I really just don't know who to pick, AND I like both teams, so I can't even go with a bias here...you've got a powerful offense in the Saints and a very stingy and aggressive defense in the 49ers...I mean...this could go either way.

Prediction? Saints 28, 49ers, 27...yes...or it could go the other way around...

Saturday, January 14, 8 pm EST
Denver Broncos @ New England Patriots
Well ain't this a surprise! No Pittsburgh? Tebow prevailed last week in overtime, which, unless you live under a rock (in which case, how did you get here?), I do not need to explain the outcome. Tebow faces a bigger challenge this week...no, not the Pats' defense (no one is scared of that), but the Pats' offense. Again, unless you live under a rock, you should know who Tom Brady is. A master picker-aparter of defenses. Broncos boast a solid one. I just think their magic may run out this time. Sorry, Willis McGahee, you know I still like you.

Prediction? Patriots 30, Broncos 21...wish I could say it was closer...

Sunday, January 15, 1 pm EST
Houston Texans @ Baltimore Ravens
OK, if you know me well, you'll know I have major stake in this game. I mean c'mon, Lauren "Purple Friday." So I'll be at this game...meaning the Ravens will win...ha but seriously, I'm a little nervous. Though the Texans are on the third string quarterback, he's proved to be a decent game manager, and the last time we beat the Texans, they were without Andre Johnson (though they did have Matt Schaub). That game was close and it was in Baltimore. In the end, I believe it'll come down to who has the better quarterback...and in this case, that will be Joe Flacco.

Prediction? Ravens 24, Texans 20...yup, a close one...

Sunday, January 15, 4:30 pm EST
New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers
Like Texans-Ravens, this is another rematch of a close game. Not too long ago, the Giants were nearly the first team to end the Packers' unbeaten streak. But, as is usually the case, Aaron Rodgers prevailed. This one should be pretty close itself, with both teams seeking some sort of "revenge." The Giants on their loss aforementioned, and the Packers on the NFC championship loss back in 2008 (the year the G-men would go on to win the Superbowl). In the end, I predict a possible overtime victory...

Prediction? Packers 32, Giants, 29...random score, yes.

So let's see if I can go better than 1-3 this weekend...and if I have to go 1-3, you know which game I want to be right about!

Happy Purple Friday!
Lauren

2011 NFL Playoffs: Wild Card Weekend Cheat Sheet

Well, another NFL regular season has wrapped up. As usual, it went all too fast and I can't believe we're already into the postseason, especially considering around six months ago, we were unsure if there'd even be a season.

With the end comes the beginning of one thing...PLAYOFFS! For my NFL newbies, I've put together a quick 'n' dirty cheat sheet so you can chime in on this weekend's conversation.

Important: this weekend, unlike most, there will be NFL football on both Saturday and Sunday. So you gotta be ready for a whole weekend of football!

Saturday, January 7, 4:30 pm EST
Cincinnati Bengals @ Houston Texans
This game features the surprising Bengals (9-7), with their ginger-maned rookie quarterback, Andy Dalton and their, well, distractionless 2011 squad. I say distractionless, because you don't even have to be a huge NFL fan to remember the days of Ochocinco and TO. Lately, their biggest distraction has been seeing how high Jerome Simpson can flip into the endzone. You've got to credit the Bengals' coach, Marvin Lewis, who turned what was expected to be another disappointing season into a relatively successul one.

The other side of the ball features the Texans, who are making their first-ever playoff appearance. That's something to celebrate. Granted, playing in the same division as the Peyton-less Colts and the hapless Jaguars did help. But the Texans proved they are a team that subscribes to the "next man up" philosophy. Except that recently, they've took a tumble, losing their past three quarterbacks and having to start their fourth of the year. Third stringer TJ Yates, who hurt his non-throwing shoulder on Sunday, is appearing likely to play. Not sure if that's good or bad, seeing I don't know much about this guy having seen him in so few games...

My prediction? Bengals win, 27-24. I'd prefer the Texans win so we can face them at M&T on the 15th, but I just don't see them pulling it out with all the injuries.

Saturday,  January 7, 8 pm EST
Detroit Lions @ New Orleans Saints
Well this is one game where I really don't have anything against either team. You've got the good ol' Lions, who haven't made the playoffs since the 90s, and the Saints, who bolster a roster of many "good guys," a la Drew Brees and Jimmy Graham. So basically, do you cheer for the surprise story of the NFC, the underdog in this situation, given how hard it is to win in New Orleans? Or do you go for the favorites, knowing you may not have a huge problem seeing the Saints in the Superbowl again. I imagine this will be a high-scoring affair, pitting two pass-heavy offenses (led by Brees on the Saints and Matt Stafford on the Lions) against each other.

My prediction? Saints win (you're welcome, Lily!), 45-36 (yeah, pulled that second number out of my ass). The Saints are unstoppable at home, but I do hope it's a close, exciting game, being in the nighttime spot!

Get enough rest on Saturday night? I didn't think so. Onto Sunday!

Sunday, January 8, 1 pm EST
Atlanta Falcons @ New York Giants
I hope to write another entry on this topic soon, but this matchup has a 10-6 team (Falcons) going on the road to play a 9-7 team (Giants). This discrepancy isn't so terrible, but remember last year's Saints (11-5) going on the road to play a mediocre (or so we thought) Seattle Seahwaks at 7-9? Something just doesn't seem right about a team in a tough division finishing in second place at 10-6 going on the road to face a "lesser" opponent. But that's for another time. This matchup is about two teams that have been slightly schizophrenic all season. You've got prettyboy "Matty Ice" for the Falcons versus ELISHA (Eli) Manning on the Giants. One thing you can look forward to, if the Giants lose, is seeing the Manning pout. I imagine this will be a closer game, and another high-scoring affair.

My prediction? Falcons win, 33-30. I almost flipped a coin, though. The Falcons, who play in a dome most of the season, aren't as used to the cold, windy temperatures that they'll face in New Jersey (yep, stadium is not actually in New York!). However, the Giants have been so unpredictable this season, that I really just don't know if I can trust them...

Sunday, January 8, 4:30 pm EST
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Denver Broncos
Well ladies, I don't think I need to help you on this one. Tim Tebow vs. Ben Roethlisberger. Religious devotee versus former accused rapist. Need I say more? In both of their defenses, Tebow has shown toughness and character throughout his up and down ride to a season. He led his, what we originally thought was hopeless, Denver Broncos to six wins in a row. Which was abruptly cut short by Tom Brady, as they lost their final three in unadmirable fashion. But, since the rest of the Broncos' division is just...unfort...they backed into the playoffs. Then you have the Steelers, who show another reason why I think the seeding should be re-thought. They're 12-4, and they're playing 8-8 Broncos in Denver. Whatever. You've got a limping Big Ben, starting running back out for the year, and numerous other injuries. I don't think this will be a high-scoring affair, especially since the combined amount of points scored by each team last week was 16. Then again, I can never really count out Big Ben (I'm a Ravens fan, need I say more?) nor can I count out Tebow (religious powers on his side).

My prediction? Steelers win, 16-10. Wow, do I really have 3/4 of all road teams winning this weekend? Let's see how that holds up...

Stay tuned next week as I preview the divisional matchups!

Happy Purple Friday!
Lauren

shut your big mouth, no really...

Tonight, as I watch the 49ers-Steelers game, I think back to some of the stories around the NFL from the past 24 hours. From Johnny Knox's horrifying injury (thank goodness he's not paralyzed or worse, after that scary, scary, hit he endured), to Green Bay's undefeated streak ending versus the surprising Chiefs, to the previously no-wins Colts grabbing their first, it was a crazy day in the NFL.

But after the dust settled, I read about Jets' coach Rex Ryan running his big, fat, foot-lovin mouth again. Normally, I'd consider this to be commonplace for the boisterous big boy. This time, I'm really shaking my head at you, Rex. You had the nerve to proclaim that your New York Jets are a better team than the New York Giants, who you'll face on Saturday (which team is the home team in that match-up, by the way)?!

It's one thing to have confidence in your team moving forward, to provide this sort of language to motivate your team after an embarrassing loss to the Eagles the day before (45-19, to be exact). It's another to blast it over ESPN for the whole country to read. Really? You just got creamed by a sub-.500 team (granted, I think the Eagles sometimes perform better than that as proved yesterday). And now you're going to boast and say you're better than another team? Have a little humility. You're only going to provide more locker room fodder for the G-men.

The Jets do still hold the #6 seed in the AFC playoff race, but they've got three hungry teams nipping at their heels. Also, the #5 seed is already clinched by either Baltimore (let's hope not) or Pittsburgh. They don't have much wiggle room. Rex needs to spend more time disciplining his hot dog players (i.e., Santonio Holmes, for this) than giving all the other teams more fire before playing them.

How to Throw the Perfect Spiral

Ladies, I love pink.  Probably more than Lily and Lauren.  I write this blog while rocking my favorite (hot) pink sweater gazing upon my pink Christmas tree.  And, I’m woman enough to admit this, I once almost purchased a pink Chris Cooley jersey in a moment of post-break-up weakness.  ALMOST.    But Lily and Lauren are right.  At its best, football is a game of tradition and integrity.  Wear your team colors, even if you love the Cleveland Browns.  No pink jerseys.  

(Side note on Chris Cooley:  despite his injury this season and seeming-waning importance to the Redskin offense, he remains my favorite Redskin because of his gregarious personality.  Exhibit 1:  Use your google machine to locate the picture of his privates that he “accidentally” posted on the Internet.  I’d share it with you, but this is not that kind of blog.)

COOOOOOOOLEYYYYY...

But tonight, we’re not waxing poetic about pink or Chris Cooley’s privates.  Tonight, we’re learning how to throw the perfect spiral.

What is a spiral?  I’ll leave it to a physics major to give you the gory details.  But, put simply, a spiral is what a football does when you throw it correctly.  It zips through the air, with purpose, toward its intended target, coiling in tight circles, aka, spirals.  

I learned to throw the perfect spiral from my father.  He believed that girls should learn several key life skills:  to change a tire, to play a hand of poker, and to throw a football.  We spent many Sunday afternoons throwing the ball in our front yard, honing my skills.  Dad’s advice?  I’ve distilled it below with some editorial commentary for good measure.

1. Grip the football with your fingers on the laces, your thumb under the ball for stability. Now, every quarterback positions his or her hands differently and some go rogue and ignore the laces altogether, but let’s stick with convention for now, shall we? And, please excuse me if this is obvious, but it is really important not to giggle about how big the ball is or how difficult it is to grip. Case in point:   “Oh, wow,” the college freshman at the Virginia Tech tailgate shouted to no one in particular, “my hands are sooo small and this ball is soooo big.  I can hardly wrap my hand around it!”  She looked around, coyly waiting for the laugh, but was met with several sighs and her boyfriend’s “anyone want another beer?” 
2. Step forward and plant the foot opposite your throwing arm. 
3. Look at your intended target, draw your arm so that the ball is behind your ear, and throw, following through with your arm, so that it is basically extended out toward your target.  Again, great quarterbacks can throw any which way while looking in any direction.  If this is you, mazeltov.  But let’s stick to basics for now.  Step 3 goes awry when you use your fingers or wrist to propel the ball and it ends up tumbling end over end into the charcoal grill.  So, avoid that. 
4. React appropriately to your throw.

Scenario 1:  you successfully threw the perfect spiral.  Quietly note the nods of appreciation from those around you and repeat.

Scenario 2:  you hit the ground, the grill, a parked vehicle, or a small child.  Shake it off.  Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly, I say.  Try again. 

Either way, do not squeal, jump up and down, spin in circles, or do anything that you did at your 6 year-old birthday party.  It is theoretically possible that your man might find this adorable.  But his male friends are cringing and comparing you to his last girlfriend who didn’t do that AND cooked killer kielbasa.  Worse yet, his female friends are laughing politely with you but inside are vowing not to hold your hair back if you have too much to drink before halftime.  

One of many things I love about my dad is that he was always so proud of all my (and my siblings) accomplishments.  He’d greet a 100% on a spelling test with a big, crinkly smile.  “Way to go, that’s just great!”  But when he and his friends would get together to watch the Redskins/Dallas games, I’d never overhear him tell them I was an excellent speller.  “Did you know Jenny can throw a perfect spiral,” he’d announce proudly.  Ah, mastery.  Such a great feeling!  Ladies, looking forward to seeing what you all can do! 

Yours in football,

Jen